Did you eve...

Did you ever have the feeling that if you showed your real self people would hate you. I think I was afraid of that with Anna cuz she was such a good friend, I didn't want her to see what a horrid person I am. Now shes gone, not to sound sappy but I've cried many a nights over it. Right now I've got everything bottled up inside. I keep praying to God to put someone in my life to share with and their just not there. Maybe this is God teaching me to be dependent on him. I dunno. The closest person I've got is Syntia, and shes all the way over in Orlando and dealing with problems of her own. I'm so afraid if I take of this mask at school or church and for one moment stop smiling someone might be appauled. I love the mime team and depend on them alot but its seems like they've all got their lives in order. And I feel like of convinced people so well that I am never sad they'll leave me when they find the truth. It kills me that almost no one really knows me, the closest is maybe Jaala but I feel like her and I are drifting. I don't know if anyone will read this, I'm quite worried about posting it. You can reply to it if you want btu please understand I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel comfortable talking with others.I should get some sleep.So I say Goodnight into this great abyss.

T...

Taleese rhymes with basket and Brenna rhymes with satan. Its true. Today Mr. Bechtol called me ugly, did I already say that. Hmmmm, my ear hurts, thought you'd like to know.

I want chapsti...

I want chapstick.

exam

I think I failed an exam today. Oh well! I got Proof That Youth are Revolting!! Yayness. Best CD EVER! bored, bored, bored. I get to go to a party tomorrow. Yay. Maybe I'll make my hair normal before that and maybe my neck won't be green.

bored

I'm bored, watching Full House. Got a new shirt, it says "I've decided to put myself in charge". I'll wear it tomorrow.

food

I'm hungry. Thought you'd like to know. My neck/hair/ears are blue!

School

I like being at EG, but it depresses me sometime. I walk through halls and although I try not to think about, so many of these people are confused. So many of them have probably hate themselves or think less of themselves, some of them could even be thinking of suicide the same moment I walk by. And it kills me that I don't do anything about it. I wake up so many mornings saying "God here I am, use me today, let me be your mouthpiece" and then I go and put people down. Sometimes I feel like such a failure to God, ya know what I mean. On a lighter note, my healtg teacher is REALL short. I keep making fun of him for it. Its great fun. I called him short once and he goes "yea well your ugly, at least I can still grow" HAHAHAHA. I thought that it was funny even though he was just stealing a phrase from Churchill.