Did you eve...

Did you ever have the feeling that if you showed your real self people would hate you. I think I was afraid of that with Anna cuz she was such a good friend, I didn't want her to see what a horrid person I am. Now shes gone, not to sound sappy but I've cried many a nights over it. Right now I've got everything bottled up inside. I keep praying to God to put someone in my life to share with and their just not there. Maybe this is God teaching me to be dependent on him. I dunno. The closest person I've got is Syntia, and shes all the way over in Orlando and dealing with problems of her own. I'm so afraid if I take of this mask at school or church and for one moment stop smiling someone might be appauled. I love the mime team and depend on them alot but its seems like they've all got their lives in order. And I feel like of convinced people so well that I am never sad they'll leave me when they find the truth. It kills me that almost no one really knows me, the closest is maybe Jaala but I feel like her and I are drifting. I don't know if anyone will read this, I'm quite worried about posting it. You can reply to it if you want btu please understand I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel comfortable talking with others.I should get some sleep.So I say Goodnight into this great abyss.